Questions to ask a guy when you first meet

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Juliane

What is my age: 41
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One of the top question that every male on the planet desire to answer: how to get laid? It rarely works, if even at all.

About me

Dry spells are never fun, but hey, they happen! And sometimes for good reason—like maybe you just got out of a long-term relationship and need some time to heal on your own. In other circumstances, you know when you need to get back in the game. But just in case you need a friendly reminder, here are some telltale s that your sexual frustration is at an all-time high:.

You got excited when your hot co-worker texted you the eggplant emoji. You meant we should order eggplant for lunch. Got it. Next time, use your words!

19 s you need to get laid, like, yesterday

Also, please refrain from the banana emoji Your Internet browser has more X-rated searches than anything else. If you type the letter "p" into a search engine and it auto-populates PornHub instead of Pandora Clear your search history no one needs to see thatand 2.

Step away from the computer. You got a little turned on by your beef burrito. That Chipotle tasted so spicy that you almost forgot how hot sex can be! Yeah, there's no real correlation between the two, but the lack of sex is really messing with those synapses in your brain. Y ou made your friend spill every detail of her last date. Nothing is off limits, because you demand and need to know everything : what foreplay was involved, which positions they tried, how long it lasted.

You need to get laid

It's like listening to Fifty Shades of Grey as an audiobook. You actively searched through your phone to find someone to sext. OK if a sext requires work, then it's probably not a great idea. Another word to the wise: never sext someone just because you feel obligated to. But hey, if hitting up hot bartender Jim from last summer for a textual quickie is what you have on the agenda for tonight, who are we to stop you?

The last date you had was with your Rabbit. We love sex toys just as much as the next lady, but if you've been logging more time with a vibrator than another human being, it's probably time to take a break.

You may or may not have forgotten what exactly counts as sex. It's an honest mistake, but here's a clue: a one-night stand is not something you can find in IKEA. You start to really appreciate the story lines in porn.

12 s that you need to get laid

Have you forgotten what really happens during sex? Let us remind you that porn is a fantasy : Most people can't last for 23 minutes and 24 seconds. Your mailman is looking hot. Did he get a buzz cut? Has he been hitting the gym?

How to get laid – even if you’re afraid of asking for sex

Either way, he and Craig from ing are basically eye candy at this point. How many names really have a "z" in them? Are the odds of me having super quirky parents really that high that you decided to just go for it? Am I being punk'd? No, this outburst isn't PMS—this is sexual frustration. One of your pills just rolled under your nightstand and into a crack and you'll never see it again?

Eh, no biggie. You haven't had sex this month or for the last several so we're going to go out on a limb here and say you're safe. You start to reconsider your horrible ex.

Is he single? The relationship was toxicbut the sex was fantastic.

Worth it? Repeat after us: No, no it's not. You haven't worried about STDs since the summer Olympics.

Since your last checkup, the only strange fluids to body recently came from that kale smoothie you bought at that sketchy street vendor down the block. It may or not have had a hair in it.

Why some men don't get laid

You've had sex dreams with Channing Tatum seven times this week. Damn you, alarm clock. Why does it always wake you up just when he was about to whip out some Magic Mike moves? Your sexy underwear hasn't made it into rotation in a while.

We get it; why throw on the all-lace black panties when the hottest thing you'll be doing today is bikram yoga?

The neighborhood cats are getting more action than you are. It may not be mating season in your apartment, but it certainly is in nature. All that howling and screeching you hear outside at night? That's just their way of telling you they're having sex and you're not. Your bedroom is not exactly in might-bring-a-date-home-tonight shape. A mountain of dirty laundry? Shoes scattered in every direction? A little bit of leftover food? It's time to put some sex on your schedule—if only for the motivation to clean. You kinda let that whole grooming situation go down there.

Sure, bush might be making a comeback.

But if you've just downright neglected your nether regions, you're probably not feeling your sexiest. You haven't had sex since Britney Spears dated Justin Timberlake. This isn't a dry spell—it's a full-on drought. Stop reading now, and alert the Weather Channel.

Weight Loss. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Masala Pepper And Cauliflower Omelet. But just in case you need a friendly reminder, here are some telltale s that your sexual frustration is at an all-time high: You got excited when your hot co-worker texted you the eggplant emoji. This content is imported from Giphy.

14 women share their best tips for getting laid

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