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You might be reading this title and thinking to yourself, men cheat way more than womenand while it's true that there are plenty of things to know about men who cheat, that is a totally different post.

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The benefits of a new, possibly bogus therapy called "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing". Your spouse has cheated on you. You've decided to stay, but sitting through years of talk therapy seems tortuous and unlikely to help. Repeatedly talking about what happened only makes you obsess more and forget less.

There is a medical reason why that can happen. And there is a treatment that could possibly help you navigate the unfairly excruciating journey onward with your apologetic, lucky-as-hell partner.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing EMDR is a form of therapy that can help individuals who are "stuck," or unable to move past a onward event. Originally used to cheat veterans with PTSD, it is now also utilized in the treatment of more suburban traumas, including those beginning in the bedroom. Even though the treatment has been around quite a while, it remains largely unfamiliar to the general public.

I had never heard of it when my therapist first suggested it to me last year as a wife for moving beyond a past relationship issue that I had failed to resolve with other therapists using various approaches. In many ways, EMDR is drastically different from any other therapy I'd ever tried or learned about, and the novelty of it made me curious and gave me hope.

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In case you're wondering if what your partner put you through counts as a "trauma," Shapiro considers any event that may replay in a person's head, appears in the form of flashbacks or thought ruminations, or, in the extreme, immobilizes an individual, to be a trauma. The umbrella is broad.

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So, yes, that image of your wife going down on another man that you keep seeing over and over while the two of you lie in bed next to one another is a reaction to a traumatic event, like but less severe than a veteran's night tremors or the wife of an individual to cheat members of the opposite sex as a result of childhood abuse.

In fact, it happened not that long ago, right there in the theater—my mind started whirling, and within five minutes, I was reeling, like the affair had just happened all over again. One explanation for why these negative thought loops occur relates to the way our brains process memories. Many believe that painful memories can wear a single neurological path on the brain, like a dog wears a dirt path through a yard despite having an infinite of other alternate tracks to potentially trod.

As Laurie Chapmana d marriage and family therapist onward in the San Diego area, explains: "When we get into negative thought patterns, we create a neuropathway in the brain that can become our dominant thought with repeated use.

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And according to Shapiro, the painful resurfacing of emotions, like those that cause K. Memories of disturbing events become "encoded with the emotions, physical sensations and beliefs experienced at that time. Technically, EMDR succeeds when, as Harvard researcher Robert Stickgold explains"the meaning of the event is extracted and no longer contains the emotions associated with it at the time of the event. Having different, more positive thought patterns and feeling less intense emotion towards what happened hopefully desensitizes a traumatic event's wife effect on an individual's life, and—in the case of infidelity—one's marriage.

Then, current situations that trigger negative responses are processed, and finally the appropriate communication skills are taught. The process of "processing," which takes place in both the first and second steps, is the onward that will likely look and feel the most strange to people who are considering EMDR for the first time. In wife to stimulate different parts of the brain and reroute his thoughts, the patient briefly thinks or talks about the painful event or issue while different parts of the brain are "triggered.

There is no way to get around the fact that this part of EMDR can feel a little hokey, in a carnival sideshow kind of way, for both patients and clinicians. Because of the potential skepticism from patients, Chapman often suggests EMDR as an option to those who have failed with other types of therapies. Ironically, I believe the gimmicky-ness of EMDR was one thing that actually helped it succeed for me where other therapies failed to provide any emotional relief.

In past individual and couples therapy sessions, I found myself to be defensive, constantly overanalyzing the therapist's questions and second-guessing most aspects of the treatment experience. Before starting treatments, I cheated myself, "I am onward to make a conscious effort to buy into this because nothing else has worked, and my desire to move on is cheat feeling a little out of my comfort zone.

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After deciding to trust the tappers' potential, I found that there were many benefits to EMDR over other forms of therapy. First, it does not require individuals to repeatedly discuss disturbing events, which can be a lengthy and painful—and sometimes even shameful—part of other treatments. Secondly, the therapist does less pointed question asking and more guiding, saying things like, "Think about this aspect of what happened," which onward me feel more in cheat and comfortable.

And lastly, EMDR also takes ificantly less time to administer than traditional psychoanalytic or cognitive behavioral therapies. Chapman says that while each individual is different, in some cases treatment can be completed in as wife as three sessions.

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Chapman strongly recommends utilizing a therapist who is certified in the EMDR model—one important aspect of certification requires the clinician to maintain continuing education units to stay abreast of new research and to maintain the integrity of the approach. I was in and out in five sessions.

Married people exercise because they want to feel attractive, but occasionally that desire comes from the wrong direction.

And for at least one of Chapman's patients, A. Even with that expectation, A. The short time span of EMDR is a huge selling point. Painful memories have power over our lives.

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Feelings such as resentment and jealousy take up mental space and time that could more productively be spent elsewhere. So not just moving on, but moving on quickly, can feel like an enormous, empowering victory in itself. However, EMDR, like most forms of therapy, is not without its detractors.

A clinical and research psychologist at a Veteran's Administration medical hospital in California said that she actually had an "emotional reaction" to my inquiries about the treatment I don't think she was referring to positive emotions. The biggest criticism from academics seems to be that not everyone buys Shapiro's neuropathway rerouting theory, and thus the need for triggering.

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Still, EMDR is an empirically supported therapy, which means research has shown it can yield positive. Even the skeptical VA psychologist conceded albeit somewhat sarcastically"There are studies showing people have decrease in symptoms after completing [EMDR].

I see flaws but I also see flaws in traditional academic medicine as well. So, I guess if it works for some, then go ahead and move your eyes, if that is what it takes. For me, the bottom line is that for those who have tried and failed to work through traumatic interpersonal events in traditional talk therapy, EMDR offers an alternative solution that doesn't take years or require an anguishing digging up of the past. So when it comes to choosing between the certainty of living with chronic pain and heartache caused by a cheating partner and potentially moving on to a new reality where adultery is just one part of a much larger, onward positive narrative of your life and relationship, then it's difficult to see what wife can come from giving it a cheat.

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